Enoteca Sileno Vino e Cucino - Melbourne - 920 Lygon Street, Carlton North

"And this is the life I live" .

My sister, my brother-in-law, my best friend and her husband were meeting my fella for the first time.

They did not try and impress him or temper the fire in their bellies (and neither did I actually), it was a display of "and this is the life I live".

The brother-in-law was complaining about the fact that my sister never buys him Kingston biscuits. "She knows they are my favourite, how hard can it be, she does it deliberately?" And she responds "yes, sometimes I think f*ck him you know and I don't buy them".  This is the life he lives.

Then my friend was talking about the fact that she doesn't like prawn cocktail with hundreds and thousands dressing.  That is "thousand island dressing honey" says the husband.  "Details, details who cares", said my friend. "I do, when you call a travel agent a real estate agent - see, this is the life I live."

As a side note my best friend still does not know what I do for a living and gets confused between accounting firms and mining companies. "Details, details who cares".

Then my OCD sister talked about how fabulous the concertina is as a filing system. "It is also an instrument too you know". "No, you are thinking of an accordian" says my brother-in-law.  "Wanna google it" as she pulls out her hand to shake on it. It gets googled and yes, a concertina is also an instrument. Damn it.

My friend says she always gets those arguments with her husband wrong but will still argue with conviction until she is black and blue in the face even if she is not 100% sure.  What a shame that google has come into our lives to correct us. "This is the life we live".

Then the conversation turned to the removal of the baby bonus.  There was a little disagreement on the general consensus of the removal - my friend saying people would hate it and the husband in opposition saying that people with no babies do not look into the future and think damn we are missing out - except the people in Moe said my sister who conceive their lives around getting the bonus. Which then turned the converation to people with privileges and people without. My sister naturally assumes that lazy people living on welfare and playing all the systems are all from Moe and call their kids Sheneelle. I said that not everyone has a dad like us who went to Melbourne High, became a lawyer and drove us to private school every day. "Yes, but our parents worked hard" she said "unlike the people in Moe."

There will never be agreement on this topic. What we did learn from my sister is that when you are returning an item to a store, having an argument with insurers or trying to get a better deal on a bed? always get personal by knowing the persons name and using it incessantly "Hi Vivienne. I understand what you are saying Vivienne but let me put it to you this way Vivienne" - you alway get what you want.  "That is initimidation 101, everybody knows that" she says.

I personally like to just lawyer shop assistants when I return bad goods and quote section 52 of the Trade Practices Act.  The husband said, don't let that one out of the bag with my wife, she will use it incorrectly and quote section 32. Details, details, who cares.

I can't recall where in the night I asked the question, "so do men always wear the pants?"

"ABSOLUTELY, they do" said the husband.

I retorted that "some don't do it well enough and need the woman to help fill the pants". To that the husband replied, " well you might as well just pull them down."

On that subject matter, all I can say is that it is best to let the man think he is wearing the pants and ignore how short they fall above the ankle at times.

OK, now let's talk about Enoteca Sileno.

We were sitting at a prime table in the middle of the restaurant and then 10 minutes after being seated we were asked to move to the corner of the room.  Were we too loud? Telling by where the conversation got too maybe the waiters pre-empted it. Or was there someone else more important - we did analyse the replacing patrons at our table and noted some bright coloured jackets - maybe D grade celebrities who will be on next season's Celebrity Apprentice.

We graciously moved after being told that our desserts would be on the house.

We ordered a bunch of starters to share.  Fried crumbed rabbit with aioli, meatballs with pancetta in a light broth, stuffed peppers with anchovies - all very excellent.

Then we turned to pastas - gnocchi with duck and two risottos - one with bugs and the other with goat. Once again outstanding.

Then we tried the main specials. Pork neck and barramundi. Unfortunately they were not as great. The pork neck was tough and the broth a bit floury and the barradmundi stock was a bit rich and not delicate enough. I have had other mains like rabbit here before which were amazing. We felt like they had a lot of pork neck and were just trying to dish it out even though it was dry- a bit disappointing.

The desserts too did not hit the mark, the pear semifreddo tasted a bit like baby food and the tira misu had way too much cream.

Overall it was a good meal and I will come back because I know that they can do better mains and desserts.

If you get the time, venture into the store adjoining the restaurant - there is great wine, cheese, salumi, vinegars and every beautifully packaged Italian item that you can think of.

Excellent vino for around $58. Total cost around $95 per head.

As for the fella, I think he had a great time. He could not get a word in amongst this crowd but he will get used to putting his 2 cents worth in, saying it bluntly as it is and taking a dig at me - for now, he is too nice - but this is the life he will have to live.

7.5/10

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